A Very Special Blog Post

I hate to get serious, ever, but it’s hard for me to laugh about the ridiculousness of living with my dad when I’m actually pissed off…

 
Daddy is nosy. My mom calls him a yenta. I mostly accept him but it’s tough sometimes.
 
 
He’s been known to ask me inappropriate questions about money. I have no idea how much he makes but he thinks it’s fine to ask me how much I make. Whatever.
 
He has repeatedly asked me, although I have told him many, many times, how much my MBA cost, how much I paid up front, and how much I owe. You know what? He paid for 20% of my graduate degree, which was generous and I did not expect, so if he really needs to know how much I owe in student loans, no big deal.
 
He also asks me how much I owe in credit card debt, which is patently none of his business. But, it’s not that big of a deal to me. I’ve told my friends and it’s not like I have a shopping addiction or something. I just have debt from throwing what constitutes a very modest New York wedding. So fine.
 
He started getting on my nerves a while ago when he told me, very cautiously at first, that, in his opinion, with a CPA and MBA, I should be making more money.
 
This pisses me off not because it’s nosy, but because it proves that he doesn’t know me at all.
 
Yes, if I sold my soul and went back to public accounting, I could be making a few tens of thousands more than I’m making now. But let’s look at the costs:
  • Dreams of becoming a writer. (No time to write when you’re working every night and weekends.)
  • Free time to spend with family, friends and husband.
  • Mental and physical health.
 
Maybe he doesn’t care about my writing dreams or free time but the mental health part is non-negotiable. I literally had a nervous breakdown and spiraled into depression at my old job. Guess what? If you can’t get out of bed in the morning, your income prospects are severely limited.
 
Sorry, this is getting really personal. Anyway…
And he seems to think Tom’s finances are his business too. So the other day, he’s talking to me about how I should really be saving money for a house (because that’s all a married woman can dream of, right? No chance I might want to have flexibility to travel?) and I’m nodding and he says:
 
“And Tom is talking about going to the Olympics in Russia, and I’m like ‘Dude, you have $XXX in debt.’”
 
[Silence.]
 
Seriously, what the fuck? Does he really think I’m going to take his side over my husband’s? And yes, our student loan debt is astronomical. Yes, it’s terrible and it’s going to take forever to pay off, but what are you saying? We’re not allowed to travel for the next 30 years? And I don’t even want to go to Russia but he’s turning me into a rebellious teenager and now I want to go out of spite!
 
So I’m stewing, and he continues on about how we’d be surprised how much money we can save if we really try [Trust me, living with Daddy IS trying!] and then he says “You know, it seems to me that you should both be making more money.” Enough!!!!
 
So I say “Daddy, you know, you’re getting a little nosy.”
 
And he says “Well, you’re living rent-free in my house.”
 
Oh! Didn’t know his offer to live with him came with strings attached! 
This is bullshit. Yes, I’m lucky to have him. But I also have a mom and a mother-in-law and a husband’s aunt with an empty apartment in Brooklyn and friends and enough money that I could still live on my own (if I never want to pay off my credit card debt) so, you know? Shit, fuck it.
 
I am tempted to just move out now but Tom is really sick of moving.
 
I guess I have to have the talk… you know the one, accompanied by sappy music at the end of any very special episode.
 
Really, my dad just wants to help me make my life perfect. Too bad I’ve got my own ideas.
Sorry for getting so real with you guys.  To counterbalance this very special post, tomorrow I will post a list of Ms. PC’s personal favorite very special episodes.

Comments

  1. First, I think you’re incredibly courageous to have given up a well-paid job. I know many people our age who are very unhappy in their job but can’t decide to take a new career path because they got used to a comfortable lifestyle.

    I liked getting to know you better in this post. I also had quite a terrible nervous breakdown after I finished my law degree. It has taught me to put my mental health first, always. I wrote something about it but I’m still hesitant to publish it on my blog- I don’t want to be judged. At the same time, I really appreciate when people talk about their own problems openly, even if it goes in the way of the glossy image we all want to show.

    Finally, I can imagine how uspet you are because your dad really is nosy and a bit patronising. But that’s what dads do, isn’t it? I get mad at my dad when he makes such comments: he once told me that with a law degree, I should get a ‘real job’ implying that teaching French was not a real job; he also often laments at how much more money I could make being a lawyer… I guess the best is to be happy that he cares for you but stay strong with your own ideas at the same time.

    In any case, I’m sure it’s not worth moving out yet. Maybe he’ll become less nosy after you have the big talk… I hope so anyway!

    • You’re so right about getting used to a certain lifestyle. I’ve heard that happens to strippers and makes it really hard for them to leave the biz. In a way, we’re all just corporate strippers, ha.

      Of course it’s up to you how much you want to share, but I’m sure your readers wouldn’t judge you!

      You’re right about dads, too. It makes me feel better to know that others get similar “feedback” from their fathers.

      I know, moving out would be an overreaction. I haven’t had the talk yet… I’m procrastinating. I think he just needs his own life to worry about. Need to get him a girlfriend!

      Thanks for your kind response. :)

  2. Living with parents is just tough. Period. Let alone after you’ve been out on your own and had the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want. Just remember that this is new. You’re all going through a transition. I’m sure there were an adjustment period when you and Tom moved in together. Just hang in there. Give yourselves some time to adjust.

    Hey, don’t feel bad for getting real. It IS your blog. Makes me think of the song “It’s my birhtday and I’ll cry if I want to”.

    • Lol. I just don’t like drama. I’m a comedy writer!

      Do you have any good stories from living with your aunt and uncle?

      …I just thought the chaos of living with my dad would be wacky and fun, not irritating and sad.

    • Gosh, I have way too many. My uncle would tell me what kind of underwear I should be wearing if I live with him. He has been trying to get me to move down to NC for years and live in the basement apartment – rent free – with strings attached.

      You just don’t like people -not just your Daddy- telling you what to do. That’s why it’s irritating. Just hang in there and have the talk with Daddy. He’ll get the picture.

    • Omg! I kind of wish you would move down there just so you could start a blog about it.

      I know, you’re right :\ I don’t like to be told what to do. Just as Tom, or my old therapist.

    • ask*

    • Talk about compromising of mental health. My blog would title “Girl gone crazy”

  3. I get all that…parents that don’t get you, public accounting mental health issues…strings being attached to help…..being personal is good.

  4. LOVE IT JIlly! Sounds just like him…. Im getting caught up. So funny… Also love the photos. This stuff brings me back. I can even hear his voice saying these things – And I know the “look” too :)

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  1. [...] November 9, 2012 by Jill Pinnella Corso 3 Comments As promised after yesterday’s emotional roller-coaster. [...]

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