Blog Sitcom: “Cell Phones In Public”


Commuter train full of tired passengers. There is an ANNOYING GIRL talking loudly and incessantly on her cell phone. We only see the back of her head.

His name’s Josh. He’s really
cute. He kind of looks like
Patrick Dempsey.

Beat. A passenger across the aisle from the girl rolls his eyes.

No! Not “Lover Boy” Patrick
Dempsey! Well, kind of. He’s
kind of like a combination…

A train announcement interrupts the girl’s conversation. She sighs.

This is an announcement from
the Long Island Railroad. Be
train smart. When using your
cell phone…

Ugh, these announcements are
so annoying.

…please be courteous to
passengers around you.

A passenger behind the girl loudly clears his throat.

Sorry, so anyway. He sort of
looks like a combination of
young Patrick Dempsey and old
Patrick Dempsey.

The train comes to a stop. A woman in front of the girl stands up and glances with fascination at the annoying girl, before exiting. The annoying girl sees the woman’s gaze and looks around, confused.

Yeah but anyway, I never get
to see him. It’s kind of like
that episode of Sex & The City…

The train takes off again.

…where Miranda and Steve
couldn’t work their schedules
out because she was a lawyer
and he’s a bartender.

The train begins to slow.

This is Huntington. Huntington,
last stop, last stop. All
passengers must exit here.

Yeah! Almost exactly because,
like, I’m an accountant and
he’s a waiter.

Please take a moment to look
around you, and make sure you
have all your personal belongings…

Ugh! Alright, I better go, Peg.
It’s my stop. I love you!!
Alright, bye.

The girl stands up, puts on her coat, and notices for the first time that most of the train is staring at her. As she turns, reveal: it is our heroine, Jill, slightly younger.

CHYRON – “October, 2007″


  1. Hahaha awesome!

  2. what was awesome about this is that I was thinking to myself in the beginning: I want to be friends with this girl. She just referenced Lover Boy. I don’t care if she is a rude train rider.

  3. What a twist! Like, a young M Night Shyamalan twist.

  4. LOL! That is pretty funny!

    He was such a skinny dork in Lover Boy back then too!

  5. I totally knew it was you! I love how your recollection is so clear!

  6. Okay that we really brillant. You are an awesome writer!

  7. This made me lol :-)
    I remember sitting in the LIRR, hoping for a little rest and feeling hate for people being loud all the time. On the phone, and just talking to each other. Coming from France, it was like someone had put the volume up for everything. Maybe i sat next to you once and you were on the phone like that?

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