What Women Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day

The real title should be:
What Women Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day, or, Nice Try Vermont Teddy Bear

Have you seen this commercial?

(email readers click to the blog to view)

Without getting into how stupid the commercial itself is, I must say this is the worst gift idea I’ve seen in a while. Guys, here are a few reasons to cancel your Big Hunka Love Bear orders real quick…

1. A 4.5 foot teddy bear takes up a lot of room. Like, a lot. Like, if it’s in the bed, you’re not. That sort of contradicts Vermont Teddy Bear’s implied promise to get you laid.

2. I have to assume that any woman who receives this bear thinks it’s cute for a second (if you’re lucky) and then starts thinking about how long she has to hold on to it before she can get rid of this dust collector. I can’t help but think that it adds a point to the “pro break up” column when she gets out her legal pad to debate dumping you.

3. If a commercial is the source that tells you “It’s thoughtful. It’s romantic. It shows that you were thinking only of her.”, it is, by definition, not thoughtful, probably more childish than romantic, and shows that you couldn’t think for yourself so let some advertisers do it for you.

Now, I shouldn’t generalize. I’m sure there are some women that might like this bear. Such as:

  • Girls under the age of 9;
  • That English heiress that bought Spelling Manor (I’m assuming she has some extra space);
  • Cat ladies that have emotionally outgrown their body pillows; and
  • Female prisoners, assuming the bear can be outfitted to smuggle in a cell phone.
leave it to Japan...

leave it to Japan…

As for what women do want? I can’t say for certain. Women are all different. The only characteristic that unites nearly all of us is not wanting this bear.

So you tell me, lovers and friends.
What do you want or definitely not want for V-day?
Guys, I’m curious about you too.


  1. There is this stupid valentine’s day jewelery advertisement that takes place in a photo booth. The guy basically surprises the girl with a necklace and it is the UGLIEST FUCKING necklace ever. It is pink and red hearts and looks super cheesy. I tried to find a picture of it but I can’t. Lame.

  2. We don’t celebrate V-day. George usually cooks for me because our anniversary is on the 15th, however, we still celebrate other week/or 2 months earlier. Haha! Agree with you on Teddy bear – whoever put those ideas about bears and chocolates in guys’ minds is a Moron! I think the whole V-day is a Hallmark holiday . I would rather get spontaneous flowers on any other day.

  3. I think you are maybe being a little harsh. Surely it is down to taste? I know my other half (who is in her thirties) loves large teddies. She much prefers cuddling the larger ones as opposed to smaller ones.

    If these were available in the UK she’d be begging me to get one.

    I get it though, you’re not keen on them. Roses? Chocolates? Or should we just stick with diamonds and jewellery?

    • Ok, in light of new evidence, I may have to concede that there are (a few) grown women, not in jail, that might like this. Does she have any large stuffed animals now? Even if she likes them, isn’t one enough? Where does she keep them all? Fascinating case study.
      My vote is for flowers, roses or otherwise, perhaps delivered at work. But that’s just me. I don’t like wasting money on jewelry and I like chocolate but I’d prefer a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup (or Kinder Bueno if we’re talking UK) to one of those heart boxes where you don’t know what kind of filling you might get.

      • Hmm stuffed animals, no, well not yet anyway. She does have a LOT of cuddly toys though. Mostly sat on cupboards, the wardrobe or on a bed in the guest room. They are often interchanged for cuddles depending on what mood she is in.

        Of course her biggest teddy bear is me! :-)

        P.S. I’ve never heard of Kinder Bueno.

        • Say what! I know for a fact they have Kinder Bueno there. They have it here too but it’s hard to find. I guess I should have said that Cadbury bar that’s filled with bubbles or whatever.

          By “stuffed animals” I meant toys, just to be clear. Was not referring to taxidermy. It sounds like there’s room for a giant teddy bear in the guest room. You have my blessing.

          • Do you mean Aero? Now that is nice, especially the mint version.

            The only Kinder product I’m familiar with is Kinder Surprise (a chocolate egg with a little toy inside – aimed at kids).

            There could well be Kinder Bueno here I’ve just never noticed it on the shelves.

          • Keep an eye out for Kinder Bueno, good stuff.

  4. When I was in college, my boyfriend would make me home cooked fettucini alfredo and it was awesome. I’d be happy if Joel did something like that. He doesn’t even have to cook it, just take in a nice dinner and light some candles. It would be really lovely if he gave me a thoughtful card.

  5. I HATE that commercial! What grown woman wants that? The only people I know who would ever want this are my kids! I can tell you what I DO want for Valentine’s Day! The most romantic day would be: I get to sleep til 11am (*husband gets kids ready for school and brings them too). Then I wake up and go to the couch and start watching all my shows on the DVR I never get to see. He brings me coffee and tells me how beautiful I look in my Granny nightgown and bedhead. Then my husband fixes everything in the house I have nagged him about for the past year (leaky faucet, squeaky door, toilet running, etc) – Man now he is REALLY turning me on! Then he picks up kids from school and takes them somewhere – anywhere but home. I get to spend the afternoon by MYSELF! Then when they do come home they have brought Dumplings & Orange Chicken, Yum Yum., He feeds them, does the dishes, gives them their baths, reads the stories & gets them to bed by 9! WOW BEST VALENTINES DAY EVER!! He may even get a little that night!

    • Lol Lisa, that is really detailed! You spent some time on that scenario. My ideal day would probably involve a fancy (or non-fancy) hotel and some time to ourselves not in a parent’s house. It’s the little things…

  6. Thanks for the information.

    Unfortunately you are two days and 4.5 feet too late to stop confirmation number 683211. I’m going to need you to be a little more timely.

    I wonder if I can still get the footy pajamas shipped in time.

  7. What’s with all this teddy bear, cards, chocolate, and jewelry talk?

    Don’t women just want a good night of raw passionate sex where their men service them for hours on end unselfishly?


  8. Ugh, I hate Valentine’s day. I am latter: http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/43070555278/today. And let it be said, I am not bitter or single or in a bad realtionship. The only stuff animal I want is my bunny aka bun-bun. All the rest of the stuff animals can go to hell! I’m loyal! LoL.

Speak Your Mind


CommentLuv badge