My Father’s Daughter

When I was a kid, Daddy was in a bad mood a lot. Whenever he would get annoyed at my sister or me, he would take deep breaths, exhaling loudly. It was extremely disconcerting, not to mention annoying.

yeah, it was kind of like this

yeah, it was kind of like this

So, when in college, I found myself echoing those same loud, deep breaths when stressed out, I was afraid I was becoming my dad.

But I learned quickly during my short time in therapy that I’m not destined or doomed to become my father, or my mother, or anyone else. I am in control.

Then, last week, I talked to my grandparents on the phone.

Nana: So, how’s living at your dad’s house?
Me: It’s okay. I wish I had more time to clean, but I work all the time, and when I’m not working I’m really busy with this improv class, and writing, and other projects.

(later)

Grandpa: I thought your dad was cleaning up the house. What happened? He just stopped?
Me: Well, it’s not that. He works so many hours and commutes so much. And when he’s not working, he’s really busy with this class that he’s taking at Juilliard so he spends all his time composing.

And then my brain connected the dots. “Oh, I guess he’s like me in that way. No wait, I guess I’m like him.” Yup.

When did this happen? I was going to be a fast-track business lady like my mom. When did I become a careless artist? Maybe I was always like this.

But, I’ve seen enough movies, TV shows, and even this week’s ASSSSCAT show, where one character dramatically assures the other:

“You’re not your father! You are not your father!”

With that in mind, I need to keep believing that I can pursue my creative goals but also control my life and my space. Maybe cleaning doesn’t come naturally to me, but I learned to breathe like a normal person and I can nail this too.

celebration time

Are you one of your parents?

Comments

  1. I wish I knew which of my parents I am. I think I’ve figured it out, then I do something and it isn’t as sure a thing as before.
    omawarisan recently posted…When I Get Rich: My AnnouncersMy Profile

    • Weird how they get in your head like that. I recently realized I say “Meanwhile…” and “In the meantime…” a lot.
      As in “I understand that you’re excited to hire announcers. Meanwhile, do you know how expensive that’s going to be?” i.e., not the correct usage at all. That’s all my dad.

  2. My parents are good people but I am not like either of them, at all!

    And no, I will not retire to Florida like them when I get that old. That’s worse than living on LI!
    Phil recently posted…Happy St Patty’s Vomit Day NYC!My Profile

  3. Those are some pretty sweet moves.

    Anyhoo, I’m a clone of my dad’s which means I’m quick to anger and have a dry sense of humor. Wow. Thanks for making me get all introspective up in here…

    :)
    Stephanie (www.whencrazymeetsexhaustion.com) recently posted…The Momobile: Mini-bar Comes StandardMy Profile

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