Why I Hate Twitter (But Will Continue to Use It)

I was a relatively early adopter of twitter. It was probably 2007 when I joined, because I heard Elvis Duran and the Morning Show talking about celebrity tweets, and I thought “I can know what John Mayer is up to at all times? Cool.”

apparently this is called the hipster barista meme *the more you know*

apparently this is called the hipster barista meme
*the more you know*

In 2009, I took one class of a particular marketing elective before dropping it because the professor was too arrogant. During that class, the professor asked who had a twitter account, and I was one of the few people that raised their hands. He said “In a few years, almost every hand in this class will be raised. I think twitter is going to be huge.”

Which, frankly, was a little bit like… if I were to say right now in 2013: “I think tumblr is going to be huge.” Certainly no guarantees but it’s already a pretty big deal.

obvious

Regardless, twitter has indeed gotten huge, and some of my business school friends joined as part of their love for personal branding. But, surprisingly, most of them didn’t. Which brings me to my first point…

Six Reasons Why I Hate Twitter

1. My friends aren’t on Twitter.

In my trial and error process, I’ve followed a couple high school kids, and from what I can glean, their tweets are mostly conversations with each other, purposely vague hate thrown at mutual acquaintances, and complaints. They’re not funny.

Maybe I would enjoy twitter more if my friends were on there gossiping about mutual acquaintances, but they’re not. Which means…

2. Twitter makes me feel old.

I was in college when facebook was only for college kids. Facebook was my generation’s thing. And still is. But it’s not the cool new thing anymore. And hasn’t been since our parents joined. Luckily, once I entered the business world, I had enough sense not to post things on social media that I wouldn’t want my mom to see anyway, but it still felt like the end of my youth.

I don’t begrudge the kids for having their own thing, but I hate that I can’t figure it out, even with all my social skills, tech skills, and willingness to learn. And as to the people that have figured it out…

3. Twitter people are the worst.

I’ve already written about the dearth of basic logic and human decency that managed to pry themselves away from slut shaming on Reddit to chime in on the #LiberalTips2AvoidRape discussion. Like all of the internet, twitter gives validity to people that don’t deserve it. Sure, everyone has the right to free speech, but not everyone’s opinion is equally valid. Still, anyone can create a twitter account and act like a big shot.

Beyond that, it’s a bunch of blogholes and people interested in promoting their own shit, while doing nothing to help others in return, unlike the way networking usually works. And if I don’t immediately followback some rando, he immediately unfollows me. Sorry I didn’t want to follow your profile with 10,000 following, 10,000 followers, and no information.

Granted, I mostly use my twitter account to promote this blog, but it’s out of desperation. If you met me in real life, you’d probably like me, but on twitter I feel like a social pariah. Because…

4. Nobody follows me on Twitter.

What the heck, guys? I’ve been tweeting hilarious complaints about the LIRR for months now. Why can’t I sit at the cool kids’ table? As of this writing, I have 81 followers, which is likely to go down when the grown-ass man whose profile unironically boasts “YOLO” realizes that I haven’t followed him back.

Oh well. If I knew how to get twitter followers, I probably could’ve gotten this blog to go viral by now. Let’s just say I’m going for quality over quantity. Now, I also need to upgrade the quality of my followees because…

5. Twitter is fucking boring.

Sorry. I don’t know what to say about this. I think I’m following some pretty good people but, really? I’m just supposed to sit here and read random observations all day? Granted, I can’t really explain how that’s different from facebook, but I just like facebook better.

And, finally, for whatever reason…

6. There are too many prostitutes on Twitter.

Dear lovers and friends, some of you know me very well. Some of you don’t know me at all. But to any of you, do I seem like the type of person that is going to hire a female escort off of TWITTER? (Craigslist 4Eva!) (That’s a joke, future employers.)

I have had to block probably 20? followers (which would be 20% of my total follower base) because they all have one tweet, which is a retweet from the same person. Here’s the latest profile I blocked, if you want to get the picture.

Most of their profiles are eventually removed, but why is this allowed to keep happening? You take the bad with the worse, I guess.

Sadly, while I sometimes wish the site would spontaneously combust, I won’t be leaving any time soon. I need it for my blog-promoting-prostitute online persona. If you’re feeling bad for me, here’s a link to my account. You could be lucky #82.

Do you love or hate Twitter?

Comments

  1. I just followed you on Twitter! Can’t believe I wasn’t already.

    I like Twitter better than FB, but I wouldn’t be on either if it wasn’t for marketing reasons. That being said, I don’t really market much on Twitter. No one wants endless promotional tweets about one’s book or other products. But I do have some tweeps I really enjoy interacting with, though I couldn’t do it without lists. Without lists to narrow down the tweets, it would be pointless. There is just too much noise out there.
    Carrie Rubin recently posted…The Introvert WhispererMy Profile

  2. I would follow you on Twitter again if it would let me do it twice… which would make me lucky 83 it looks like but alas it won’t so I can’t. :/

  3. My favorite line: which is likely to go down when the grown-ass man whose profile unironically boasts “YOLO” realizes that I haven’t followed him back.

    That’s just poetic.

    I, too, hate twitter and respect that you refused to capitalize it throughout your post. I don’t really know how to use it, nor do I care, but like you, I’m trying to promote the ol’ bloggage. That and I love to read profiles about c*cks…
    Stephanie (www.whencrazymeetsexhaustion.com) recently posted…My Mini-MeMy Profile

    • LMAO Steph. I don’t think it matters to capitalize twitter or not, since they’re creating a generation of illiterates in the name of brevity. Too harsh?

      Thanks for the compliment. Glad I’m not the only one trying to find her niche in the twitterverse.

  4. Yes! I agree with everything! I hate Twitter as well, but I have to use it as a beginning journalist. The editor of a big newspaper came to our class the other day and said she woldn’t hire someone who’s not on twitter. The sad thing with journalists though, is that they tend to talk amongst themselves on there. I was expecting more interaction with the readers and things like that instead. And some people take themselves too seriously which is very obvious in their tweets.
    I folow you, but I’m not sure I ever saw any of your tweets, but that’s because I haven’t managed to check my fed regularly yet. Getting there, hopefully.
    Cecile recently posted…100 posts, a new blog, and an article in the paperMy Profile

  5. Love Love Love this post! Yes, I am on Twitter. Yes, it is really dumb and boring. Yes, I am following you on it. Yet, it is a tool to use and promote our blogs!

    Whenever I send out a message I am Twatting!
    Phil Holtberg recently posted…That Creepy Bunny, Peeps, and Colored Eggs!My Profile

  6. It’s handy in some ways – tells me when people have done a new blogpost, gives me some current events, links to cool videos and stuff. Oh, and some dude with loads of followers tweeted a link to my Asterix blog post and I got a month’s hits in two days.

    But there’s a very low signal/noise ratio. I could easily live without it.

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  1. [...] I took a walk up to Times Square and got a snack. Tried to wait it out. Checked twitter (ok, so twitter is good for some things). [...]

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