Full Disclosure is a series in which I admit to things that I shouldn’t be ashamed of, but am anyway. If anyone wants to come up with a cool graphic for the series, she should feel welcome to do so.
I take longer to pee than most women. I know this because without exception, when I enter a stall at the same time as someone, she is coming out first.
I assume this is because most women walk into the stall, squat in the position that they’ve been honing since middle school, pee, wipe and leave.
I don’t squat. Can’t. Literally. I have trouble putting weight on my heels, so I can’t do a proper squat. In fact, I used to skip that part when I taught group exercise. My class had rock hard abs, pecs, and tris, but flabby thighs*.
So, when I enter a stall, I have to spend an extra 20 seconds using toilet paper to clean the seat to a perfect shine (90 seconds that time I went to the Flushing Mall). If necessary, I also have to lay toilet paper down before sitting. It’s a process.
I must pee. I can’t squat. Therefore, I must sit. If p then q, right? Basic logic.
So, why am I embarrassed?
Because public bathrooms are fucking disgusting.
I get this. Granted, the odds of actually catching anything from a public toilet are extremely super super super low (much more likely from the door handle, faucet, etc.), but still. Ew.
And, I don’t know. I like to be one of the girls. This topic doesn’t come up often with my friends and coworkers, but if ever it does, most women seem to assume that anyone in her right mind would rather die than touch her bare skin to a public toilet seat.
And I… kind of nod along… and, if pressed, I agree with them.
I guess I’m out of the closet now. The toilet stall? The WC? I guess I’m out of the water closet now…
Fun facts: Toilets around the world!
Toilet seats are not guaranteed in other countries. I went to a museum in New Delhi that had Turkish toilets. I held it in. There were no toilet seats at the bus station in Montevideo (Uruguay). I held it in. I did once have to give in and squat in a town outside Cuzco, Peru. I gripped on to the sink for support.
Just because this is Full Disclosure, I’ll address the #2 issue. I don’t know what women do when they have to go #2 in a public toilet situation. I assume some of them hold it until they get home. I know not everyone holds it because, you know, I share a restroom with some 40 women at work, and… you hear things.
Gad, this blog has taken a silly turn since yesterday.
Confess: do you sit on the toilet?
*This is a joke, as bloggers sometimes attempt. Every body is beautiful.