Breaking News: Fruits & Vegetables Are Good For You

“I’m going to the grocery store later. Do you need anything?” should have been a simple enough question from my dad.

Tom and I shrugged at each other and said “no thanks”. We do our own grocery shopping, which consists of yellow Gatorade and beer for our mini fridge, because we basically live in a dorm room. Any meals that we eat at home are lovingly prepared by Daddy.

Daddy started to walk away but then said, “You know, there’s always fresh fruit in the basket downstairs. You really should be eating more fruit, both of you.”

I blinked, hoping that he didn’t actually require a response to this little life lesson.

He continued, “Really, I’m serious. You should be having fruit with every meal. Fruits and vegetables, those are the best thing for you.”

wonka veggie meme
“Ok, bye” was my only response. We walked past Daddy and out the door.

In case you didn’t think this was absurd just because we’re, you know, not five, you should also know:

-my husband is a chiropractor with a B.S. in nutrition; and
-we eat the majority of our meals not with Daddy, so he has no idea what our plant intake is.

Also, the reason we don’t keep real groceries and prepare food at home is because his kitchen is so cluttered that it’s unusable (and we’re not allowed to eat in our room) so, yeah, maybe he should just worry about his own shit.

Later that day, after Daddy forgot that I needed to have dinner at five, I told him we were just running out to grab something quick before I had to take off.

“Ok, what are you getting?” he asked.

I sucked in a short breath before admitting: “pizza”.

“Ok, if I give you a bag of grapes will you eat them in the car?”

I don’t know how to deal with stuff like this. I like fruit, but I want him to know that he’s not the boss of my diet. He’s put me in a position where I have to reject fruit, which I would ordinarily eat. Earlier that day, I had skipped getting a banana when he wasn’t even around, out of spite. His nosiness is having the opposite of its intended effect.

Luckily, this time, I had an honest comeback: “I already had grapes today.” I didn’t tell him that I’d had a total of about six. Of course, then he had to know where and when I’d had these alleged grapes.

I guess since I made it clear that his criticizing my wife skills was off limits, he’s decided to fixate on our diets for a while. My mom says “he doesn’t have his own business to mind, so he’s going to mind yours.”

Someone get my dad a girlfriend?

Comments

  1. He wanted to put grapes in a baggie for you!!!!! That’s both adorable and infuriating ;)
    Stephanie recently posted…Trouble Making MeMy Profile

  2. Oh, gee, I just saw my future. I am always hounding my kids to eat fruits and veggies at every meal (though I let them skip the veggies at breakfast). But I promise to stop doing this once they’ve graduated high school. ;)
    Carrie Rubin recently posted…Dear Mr. Stephen King, I Read You Differently NowMy Profile

  3. Sounds like he’s just trying to take care of his kids. Just eat the grapes. Put them in the freezer and they are like a frozen snack. Fill up a watermelon with vodka and leave it in the fridge to snack on. Good stuff!
    Phil recently posted…Go home Spring you’re drunk!My Profile

  4. I laugh at your blogs because they remind me of my life right now… Minus the living with my significant other. I get the… “i cut up fruit… You should eat some…” Or ” you shouldn’t eat out so much… It’s not good for you.” Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone in this world!!! Lol

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