Well, Tom’s family, if you’ve arrived here, you might as well know: I didn’t want to go to the Virginia wedding this weekend. Not because I actually didn’t want to go, but because I had something very important to do in New York.
I’m not accustomed to losing fights to my husband, but lose this one, I did. We both had good arguments, but in the end it came down to communication. If we’d fought it out in the beginning instead of assuming everything would work out somehow, we could have avoided this whole thing.
That said, I went to the wedding. And I had fun.
The wedding was of a faith other than mine.
Still I listened to the pastor? preacher? …and evaluated what he had to say. A couple things stuck with me:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” -It’s from this book, the Bible? I want to say?*
In the context of marriage, in which your spouse is your closest neighbor, this means to love your spouse just as much as you love yourself. Which means that you have to actually love yourself before you can be a good spouse. And from this, he led to another piece of advice:
Don’t be competitive with your spouse. Be a team. “Get up under that yoke with him.” (I had to find out later what a yoke was, but I got the gist.)
In this recent, giant fight, neither of us was thinking as a team member by the end, but rather as competitive strategists or something. With the issue resolved, we’re back to being the awesome team that we usually are and we’ll probably do a little better next time.
…Then the wedding officiant went into the traditional gender roles of a biblical marriage and that was when the advice stopped being valuable for me. No offense if that’s your belief, but “subjection to your husband” doesn’t apply to the marital contract that Tom and I entered into…
Oh and later, there was a bit of family drama and it was comforting to know that’s not just a Pinnella thing.
To sum up: Love yourself. Love your spouse. Don’t be a jerk.
How do you deal with fighting?
*This is a joke. I know what the Bible is. But actually, they called it the Book of Scriptures.