Overheard in New York (…in the course of a day)

Yesterday, I had the New Yorkiest day ever.

I left my office job and went to the table reading of my web pilot (seriously, how New York is that sentence?) Not enough? I ordered us up a couple cheese pies on Seamless. More? Then I couldn’t get a cab to Penn Station so I had to walk. Boom.

In my travels, I saw a dozens of tourists. I heard different languages and accents from all over the world. Including one accent from Tennessee, belonging to my friend Jacob. I was completely fascinated as I heard him repeatedly pronounce “lawyer” the way it’s spelled, instead of like “loy-yer” the way New Yorkers say it.

Anyway, here are three random conversations I overheard yesterday:

1. LIRR Train – Morning

Snotty Sunglasses lady walks onto the train. She approaches Hot Mess Lady (seated, papers everywhere, stringy hair to her waist).

Snotty Sunglasses: Excuse me.
(The universal term for “move so I can sit” on the LIRR).
Hot Mess attempts to move her papers. She looks like a grad student that’s been up for days.

Snotty Sunglasses: Forget it.
SS holds up one hand and says in the most stereotypically Long Island princessy way possible…

SS: You’re a mess.
Hot Mess: Yeah…
Hot Mess doesn’t seem bothered by the insult as she continues her work.

I didn’t know whose side to take on this one. I couldn’t believe how bitchy sunglasses lady was, but really, why was grad student Jane taking up two seats?
I ended up on Hot Mess’ side because she got off at the next stop and I took her window seat.

2. Barnes & Noble Starbucks – Evening

Little girl repeats obnoxiously, typically...

Little girl: D’oy! D’oy! D’oy!
Mom: Que quiere decir “d’oy”?
(What does “d’oy” mean?)

3. Street – Night

Three drag queens walk down the street in club clothes. One queen, with legs up to my shoulders and a silver sparkly skirt that just barely covers her ass, drops her clutch just as I’m passing.

Queen: Oh no, bitch.

I think she’s blaming me and awkwardly offer to pick up the clutch. But when I turn to look back, the queen is already laughing with her friends, while attempting to find a ladylike way to squat.

"awkward feminist meme" whatever that means

“awkward feminist meme” whatever that means

What do you think of as the prototypical New York experience?
Or the prototypical wherever-you’re-from experience?

Comments

  1. I hate to admit this to a New Yorker like yourself, but I wasn’t surprised by the snotty sunglasses lady. I kinda figured that’s how most people acted when hard up for a seat. Wrong of me?!
    Stephanie recently posted…Masturbation and Rap MusicMy Profile

  2. That’s pretty much the norm on the LIRR. After commuting for less than a year I escaped the madness and moved into Manhattan. People like that will suck the life out of you on a daily basis.
    Phil recently posted…Levain Bakery – Mad Scientist Evil Genious Cookies!My Profile

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