Yesterday, I had the New Yorkiest day ever.
I left my office job and went to the table reading of my web pilot (seriously, how New York is that sentence?) Not enough? I ordered us up a couple cheese pies on Seamless. More? Then I couldn’t get a cab to Penn Station so I had to walk. Boom.
In my travels, I saw a dozens of tourists. I heard different languages and accents from all over the world. Including one accent from Tennessee, belonging to my friend Jacob. I was completely fascinated as I heard him repeatedly pronounce “lawyer” the way it’s spelled, instead of like “loy-yer” the way New Yorkers say it.
Anyway, here are three random conversations I overheard yesterday:
1. LIRR Train – Morning
Snotty Sunglasses lady walks onto the train. She approaches Hot Mess Lady (seated, papers everywhere, stringy hair to her waist).
Snotty Sunglasses: Excuse me.
(The universal term for “move so I can sit” on the LIRR).
Hot Mess attempts to move her papers. She looks like a grad student that’s been up for days.
Snotty Sunglasses: Forget it.
SS holds up one hand and says in the most stereotypically Long Island princessy way possible…
SS: You’re a mess.
Hot Mess: Yeah…
Hot Mess doesn’t seem bothered by the insult as she continues her work.
I didn’t know whose side to take on this one. I couldn’t believe how bitchy sunglasses lady was, but really, why was grad student Jane taking up two seats?
I ended up on Hot Mess’ side because she got off at the next stop and I took her window seat.
2. Barnes & Noble Starbucks – Evening
Little girl repeats obnoxiously, typically...
Little girl: D’oy! D’oy! D’oy!
Mom: Que quiere decir “d’oy”?
(What does “d’oy” mean?)
3. Street – Night
Three drag queens walk down the street in club clothes. One queen, with legs up to my shoulders and a silver sparkly skirt that just barely covers her ass, drops her clutch just as I’m passing.
Queen: Oh no, bitch.
I think she’s blaming me and awkwardly offer to pick up the clutch. But when I turn to look back, the queen is already laughing with her friends, while attempting to find a ladylike way to squat.