I was transferring on the subway at Grand Central. I could see that on my left hand side, there was a man walking perpendicular to me and that our paths would soon cross.
Instead of doing what I usually do, which is keep walking, then at the last minute back off, then make awkward eye contact and then almost go and then let him go, this time I just kept walking.
I passed right in front of him as he kept going. He was close to me but I don’t think he had to even slow down. But naturally, this caused him to have to yell out:
I turned back to yell, “Whoa! What the fuck?” but he was gone out the turnstile without looking back. Tough guy, he was.
This upset me. Nobody likes to be called a bitch. And nobody deserves it for something as simple as crossing in front of someone.
But then this upset me: I got over it, like, really fast.
If this had happened when I was 22, I would have been shaking and fighting back tears. I would have played it over and over in my head, trying to determine if I was wrong. I probably would’ve modified my behavior so as not to let this happen again. And I would have tentatively told the story to my roommate, careful not to upset myself.
I know this to be true because that’s how I reacted when I was 22 and some guy at Penn Station yelled at me for rushing past him.
Side note: What is it with guys in New York and yelling at girls? Sorry your life sucks, but could you please take your frustrations out elsewhere? I have my own problems.
Anyway. This time, some stranger called me a bitch, loudly, in Grand Central Station, and I did not dwell on it, this post notwithstanding.
This is because since age 22, I’ve come to better know and love myself, and no longer need to worry about what strangers think of me. Sike. It’s because New York is a shitty hell hole and the terrible behavior of total strangers is no longer a shock, to the point that my skin has finally thickened.
Tom and I have been talking about moving west lately. Not that LA is some utopia, but we both could use a change. I don’t want to be desensitized to total strangers calling me a bitch for no reason.