Back Home Sitcom: The Veggie Trials Continue

Click here for the original story.

INT. DADDY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Daddy, Jill and Tom are having dinner.

DADDY
Make sure you get some salad. You
know, you should be eating fruits
and vegetables with every meal.

JILL
Oh, really? You’ve never told
me that before.

[Read more...]

Daddyism #8

Rabbit Rabbit.

“That’s what we call a rolling stop.”

 
I’m driving Daddy to pick up his car. I break at a stop sign and continue.

Daddy: Whoa, that was kind of a rolling stop there, wasn’t it?
 
He says that just about every time he’s in the car with me. I don’t think it’s me.

clueless totally paused

Something Nice About My Dad

This morning, I awoke to the sound of the guitar floating through the house. When I came out of the bathroom, I heard Daddy singing, too.

It was so nice and comforting. This is how many days began when I was a child. When I moved out, I never thought I’d wake to that sound again.

In fact, back when I was husband scouting, “plays guitar” was on my list of criteria. Despite Tom’s claim that he plays the bass guitar, I’ve never heard him play. Sometimes my sister Amy would play guitar or ukulele when we lived together, but she was never awake in the morning.

I asked Daddy what he was playing and he told me, but I forget the name of the song. He was just fooling around while waiting for his carpool buddy to show up. This is his version of checking facebook on your phone.

I told him we were going to Virginia tonight for Tom’s cousin’s wedding tomorrow, and he said “Oh, give me a kiss then, because I won’t see you before you leave.” I obliged.

I like my dad sometimes.

I just thought up a corollary to the rule “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

something nice

I’m a modern day Aesop

“If you actually have something nice to say, say it quick before you change your mind.”

Quick, say something nice about your parents.

Breaking News: Fruits & Vegetables Are Good For You

“I’m going to the grocery store later. Do you need anything?” should have been a simple enough question from my dad.

Tom and I shrugged at each other and said “no thanks”. We do our own grocery shopping, which consists of yellow Gatorade and beer for our mini fridge, because we basically live in a dorm room. Any meals that we eat at home are lovingly prepared by Daddy.

Daddy started to walk away but then said, “You know, there’s always fresh fruit in the basket downstairs. You really should be eating more fruit, both of you.”

I blinked, hoping that he didn’t actually require a response to this little life lesson.

He continued, “Really, I’m serious. You should be having fruit with every meal. Fruits and vegetables, those are the best thing for you.”

wonka veggie meme
“Ok, bye” was my only response. We walked past Daddy and out the door.
[Read more...]

An Unhealthy Curtain Attachment

I threw out the dirty curtains from my childhood room on Sunday. It’s very rare that I’m home during daylight but when I am, I notice how dusty everything is and end up cleaning.

As I was shoving the curtains into a couple trash bags, Daddy asked, “What, are you cleaning them?”

“No, I’m throwing them away,” I replied tersely. I was on a warpath.

“You know, they can be washed…”

“Daddy, they’re 30 years old.”

That actually shut him up. I mean, I don’t know for sure what normal people do, but I think they redecorate like once a decade? Curtains aren’t family heirlooms, right?

lord of the rings heirlooms

[Read more...]

Daddyism #7

April Fool’s! I forgot to do a Daddyism on the first. It’s my blog so I say I can do it late:
 

“I don’t need ambience.”

 
Tom, Daddy and I wait for our food at the Mediterranean Snack Bar.

Daddy: I’m going to tell them to bring out all the food at once. I don’t need a big production, you know? It’s like, I go to these places that want to make dinner a big event. I don’t need ambience. I don’t need formality. I’m here to eat. I just want to eat my food and go home.

Who Are You People?: A Search Terms Roundup

Reviewing one’s blog statistics can be a real ego boost (“Yay! Thanks for the ratings bump, Kevin Tydlaska!”) or ego killer (“Wahh! Did I weird people out by talking about my Daddy issues?”)

But mostly it’s just confusing. I have an MBA in Marketing and I still can’t figure out exactly who reads, why they read, and how they get here.

Despite my efforts, I can’t predict which posts will land, how many people will see my facebook links, or which time/day is best for posting.
[Read more...]

Things I Don’t Tell My Dentist

When I was 22, I went to my family dentist with a chipped tooth. My mom started explaining and making excuses for me.

“I was drunk.”, I summarized. Dr. Traffley was amused and I couldn’t understand why my mom was embarrassed.

bridesmaids drunk

[Read more...]

My Father’s Daughter

When I was a kid, Daddy was in a bad mood a lot. Whenever he would get annoyed at my sister or me, he would take deep breaths, exhaling loudly. It was extremely disconcerting, not to mention annoying.

yeah, it was kind of like this

yeah, it was kind of like this

[Read more...]

Project Optimism: Making Life Happen

I started Improv 201 on Friday and, dare I say, the class is even better looking than my 101 class. What’s with that?

“Do I have to get better looking too, as we move up?” I asked my new improv bestie Amanda as we left class.

“No, you’re already good looking.” she answered without missing a beat.

“Right back atcha.” I winked.

Jill-Amanda

proof. sort of.
my camera sucks since I dropped my phone down an elevator shaft (10 months ago)

[Read more...]