Daddyism #8

Rabbit Rabbit.

“That’s what we call a rolling stop.”

 
I’m driving Daddy to pick up his car. I break at a stop sign and continue.

Daddy: Whoa, that was kind of a rolling stop there, wasn’t it?
 
He says that just about every time he’s in the car with me. I don’t think it’s me.

clueless totally paused

Daddyism #7

April Fool’s! I forgot to do a Daddyism on the first. It’s my blog so I say I can do it late:
 

“I don’t need ambience.”

 
Tom, Daddy and I wait for our food at the Mediterranean Snack Bar.

Daddy: I’m going to tell them to bring out all the food at once. I don’t need a big production, you know? It’s like, I go to these places that want to make dinner a big event. I don’t need ambience. I don’t need formality. I’m here to eat. I just want to eat my food and go home.

Daddyism #6

Rabbit Rabbit.

“You know what’s good for that? Water.”

 
Daddy drives me to the library.

Me: Ugh, my eye has been twitching so much lately.

Daddy: You know what’s good for that? Water.
 

(Substitute “sleep” for “water” 50% of the time, and you’ve got Daddy’s cure for all ailments.)

Daddyism #5

Rabbit Rabbit.

“You always want what you can’t have.”

 
Tom, Daddy and I finish up dinner at home.

Daddy: You know, people always want what they can’t have. I see these Asian women with this long, straight, beautiful black hair, and they dye it all kinds of wacky colors, like orange. Do you know how many women would kill for long, straight black hair?

Me: I don’t know.

(Daddy is quite an expert on women’s hair fashions.)
 

Daddyism #4

Rabbit Rabbit.


“It just seems silly to see two men on a date.”


In light of my resolution to be nicer to Daddy, I’m posting one of my favorite Daddyisms.


Daddy and I are at Harry’s Burritos. The gay couple next to us leaves.

Daddy: You know, it just seems so silly to see two men on a date.

Me: Really? Why?

Daddy: I just think that most men are just interested in dating with the hope that it will lead to sex. So it just seems like there’s no point in going through the pretense when you’re interested in men.


I love it because it shows his tolerance (despite maybe some ignorance). Also, it’s rare that Daddy says the s-e-x word in front of me.

 

Daddyism #3

Rabbit Rabbit.


“People are crazy with running red lights.”



Daddy and I are picking up Tex Mex.

Daddy: You know, these people are crazy with running red lights.

Me: Uh huh.

Daddy: It’s like, I think I’m cutting it close at a light, and then I look in my mirror and see two people go through after me.

Me: I know.


(Daddy has been known to stop at yellow lights.)

 

Daddy’s Restaurant Rules

Happy post-Thanksgiving! Enough with the home cooked food; time to get back to eating out. As I draft this, I’m on my way to meet Daddy for dinner. Started me thinking about all his restaurant rules.

Each of these could be an individual Daddyism, as these are all verbatim phrases that have been repeated to Amy and me for countless years.


Daddy’s Restaurant Rules

1. (Re: valet) They want me to pay them to park my car five feet away. You know there’s a free lot right across the street, right?

2. (Optional) It’s too loud in here. Let’s go somewhere else.

3. Close the menu so the waitress knows we’re ready. Close it! She’s looking over here.

4. The waitress is coming. Get ready! Don’t let her walk away; it’ll be 20 minutes before we see her again.

Note: I was 21 when I found out you could actually say, “We need a few more minutes.” and not be sentenced to starvation.

5. Don’t fill up on bread (or chips), girls. 
-or- Don’t forget, you have a whole meal coming. 
-or- Save room for dinner.

6. You get one soda, so save it until your meal comes.

6a. (Upon waiter refilling drink) Wait! Are those free refills?

7. (Added circa 2009) Do you have cash? (I usually say no.) What a surprise. I’ll give you cash and you can put it on your credit card. Sigh, adulthood.

I will say, in Daddy’s defense, that he had 8 brothers and sisters so they never got to go to restaurants as kids. Therefore he couldn’t have known his rules would eventually drive me insane.

I’m not without my own quirks. Maybe tomorrow I’ll give you Ms. PC’s restaurant rules.

Daddyism #2

Rabbit Rabbit.


“You know, you really should be eating more fruit.”



My husband, the chiropractor, enters the kitchen.

Daddy: There’s a pear in the fridge if you wanna take it for lunch.

Tom: No thanks, I’m ok.

Daddy: You know, you really should be eating more fruits and vegetables. I mean, I’m not trying to tell you what to do but you really should be eating more fruit.

 

Daddyism #1

Rabbit Rabbit.



“It seems like everyone wants money from you these days.”


Tom, Daddy, and I are walking from Daddy’s to the Mediterranean Snack Bar.

Daddy: You know, it seems like everyone wants money from you these days.

Me: Are you talking abou those kids having a car wash?

Daddy: Well, yeah. Not just there. Everywhere. Like the supermarket. There’s always someone outside asking for money for charity. I’m at the point where if I see that, I’ll go to a different supermarket.

Me: Seriously?

Daddy: Yeah, and Wendy’s. I go there and get two 5 piece spicy chicken nuggets, which costs $2.18, and then they want a dollar for charity.

Me: Uh huh.

(There is no point arguing a Daddyism.)