Your Mother Doesn’t Work Here

“I’ve been back for five minutes and I already hate it.”

Yesterday, after staying at my mom’s for a week due to Daddy’s plumbing issues / my illness, Tom and I finally came home.

Five minutes was all it took. I brought my stuff upstairs and threw it on the bed next to the pile of folded laundry. I hung up my coat and excitedly proclaimed “I’m going to the bathroom and flushing the toilet!”

There, I encountered a dirty toilet, a dusty window sill with a dead ladybug on it (another story), and a sink full of beard trimmings. I sighed, having gotten too used to my mom’s clean house over the last several days.

I went back to our bedroom and declared my despair to Tom, who hugged me, because he’s nice like that.

I don’t know why I thought this place would magically be cleaner when I came back. I guess it was naive of me to think that it could even stay just as dirty as I left it a week ago.

All I know is that I have a chest and several sinuses full of mucus and I am tired of being in charge of cleaning around here. Can’t I just live with Mommy forever?

No? Well, I can at least procrastinate cleaning until the weekend.

Project Optimism: It’s Time To Flush The Toilet!

Remember when we couldn’t move in for a month because of plumbing problems? And then I had to be rushed out of the shower? And then…? Oh well, then last week we had to evacuate to my mom’s because we could no longer use any water.

Finally, last week, Daddy actually called a plumber. A big step for him considering he doesn’t like to have strangers (or people he knows) over to his messy house.

Friday they came and dug up the sewer pipe in the front yard. Daddy said there were so many tree roots in it, he didn’t know how any water was draining.

Good news! We can go back home! I haven’t yet, because I’ve been sick and my mom’s place contains certain niceties, such as food. But when we go home, I can shower and flush with impunity.

As for last week’s optimistic goals: I confess, I came down with a cold that prevented me from doing most of those things. But it hasn’t gotten me down. This is a new week and, without pushing myself too hard, I hope to be back in shape by the end of the week.

Happy Monday y’all!

Back Home Sitcom, Ep. 3

Link to prior episodes.

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – MORNING

Jill approaches the bathroom, then stops outside the door. Jill turns and approaches the stairs. Guitar music floats up from downstairs.

JILL
(Calling downstairs)
Daddy!

Music stops.

DADDY (O.S.)
Yes, sweetie?

JILL
Can I flush the toilet?

DADDY (O.S.)
Yes.

JILL
Thanks.

DADDY
Just flush it once though?

JILL
Okay…

Jill furrows her brow in confusion as she turns back toward the bathroom. Guitar starts again.

INT. JILL AND TOM’S ROOM – MINUTES LATER

Jill enters. Tom is in bed.

JILL
Um, I think we’re supposed
to only flush once so…
I left my pee for you.

TOM
Yeah… I heard your dad.

Jill shrugs and gets back into bed. Tom gets up and exits the bedroom.