Five Annoying Things About Producing

As I’ve mentioned, I’m working on an independent web pilot with my friend/partner Amanda.

Neither of us have produced anything before. I don’t know if other producers have these problems. I don’t know if these will even seem like real problems in a couple weeks. But here are the five biggest things that are on my nerves right now.

1. Rewrites

actual text from our draft. don't judge. I'm playing Kristen and Amanda is Lindsey.

actual text from our current draft. don’t judge.
I’m playing Kristen and Amanda is Lindsey.

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Project Optimism: So, I Lost My Phone

funny-lost-phone-silent-modeFriday after improv, a couple of us went out to karaoke. Since two hours is never enough karaoke, I missed the 1:40 train. So, I was forced to hang out and drink until 4am. Tough times.

Flash forward: I wake up at 5:21 am in Huntington. The train is sitting in the station, empty. Any true Long Islander can tell you what that’s like, and also what happens next: you hear the “Beep Beep Beep” of death, the doors close and you have to frantically fly around the train trying to find a conductor to let you off before you end up at the yard.

This knowledge in mind, I jumped up and fled the train. This was when I lost my phone.

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Merry Christmas! I’m Getting Fat

Ok, so I’m not getting fat by American standards. I’m probably not even near average for good ol’ USA. But I’m slowly and steadily gaining weight, even if I’m the only one that notices.



Of course, eventually someone is bound to notice. And that someone is Daddy.

Yesterday morning, during Christmas breakfast…

Daddy: Wow, you’re really eating a lot, Jilly. You finished your omelette and now you’re eating two pieces of French toast? Daddy’s never seen you eat like this.

I pause, thinking maybe I shouldn’t eat all this.
Jilly: It’s not… that much.

Mommy: You’d be surprised. She can eat more than you’d think and stay that small.

Daddy: What do you think? Now that you’re married, you can eat as much as you want?

This was met by an “Ohhhhhhh” from the rest of the family, the type usually reserved for “yo mama” jokes on the playground. Daddy quickly laughed it off, assured me he was kidding, and kissed me one too many times on the cheek.

Daddy, we’re not friends. When I can curse in front of you, you can make jokes.

Why Are We Still Sending Christmas Cards?

You know what sucks about being a grown up in December? Christmas cards.

In 2012, there are countless reasons not to send Christmas cards. For example, the internet exists. The phone exists. Well, those are pretty much the only two reasons, but do we really need more?

Is it the invention of the internet, or did this chore always suck? I remember my mom dutifully writing cards (usually containing a photo of Amy and me in red dresses) and she seemed fine with it. But how did she have time with two kids and work and going to school? Hmm, given that, I should just stop complaining right now… but I won’t.

What about my grandparents’ generation? Was sending Christmas cards no biggie because people were just sending letters all the time anyway? (Or was that my great grandparents’ generation?)

Given my relative disdain for the process, you might wonder why I’m bothering. Well…

  • I already bought Christmas cards on sale after Christmas last year;
  • They are pretty and sparkly;
  • I sometimes fantasize about being one of those together people that remembers birthdays and sends Christmas cards (oh well).

I gave it a try, anyway. Tonight is my last night writing cards and tomorrow I’m sending out whatever we have done. So if you get a card from Tom and me, you’re either very special (grandparents), very lucky (random), or alphabetically superior (sorry, L-thru-Z).

Given that you’re probably not one of those people, here’s my Christmas Card to you, lovers and friends:

…and don’t bother asking about our wedding thank yous. You’ll get yours probably on day 364.

Top 5 Reasons to Love The Old Train

As Alice pointed out, I haven’t complained about the LIRR in a while. Well, ok, if the readers demand it…

Background: the LIRR got pretty nice new trains about 10 years ago but every once in a while, you get stuck with an old one, which feature such lovely amenities as….

1. Every seat held together with duct tape.

2. The stylish “wood” paneling.

3. The Seal of the State of New York wallpaper.

4. The short seat on the end. Enjoy your nap.

5. Not pictured: the lights and heat turning off every time there’s a gap in the third rail (which is often).

I guess it makes me grateful for my regular train. How about you, lovers and friends, what’s your public transportation like? I bet you’re riding in style.

The Shower Head Incident

Tom and I moved into Daddy’s a few weeks ago and immediately noticed that the shower head was super low-flow, which, as we know from Seinfeld, is not good.

my first homemade gif

We bought a new one about two or three weeks ago but didn’t install it right away because we couldn’t find a wrench. So we got around to it on Friday.

Oh, and when I was at Home Depot, I called and asked Daddy if he wanted me to buy a new faucet for the bathroom (also an issue). He kind of panicked and said that no, we would go after work one night and pick one out together. 

I just want to say right now that I don’t give a shit about picking out the new faucet. I just want one with working knobs. Meanwhile, he hasn’t done anything about that yet.

Anyway, we changed the shower head without asking. [Dun dun dun!]

Sunday, we got a talking-to:
“Daddy doesn’t like unilateral decision making.”

Too bad Ms. PC doesn’t like low-flow shower heads.

I guess I feel bad because I don’t want him to feel like we’re taking over his house. But I just don’t think he’ll do anything if I don’t do it myself.

Exhibit A:

my girly stuff juxtaposed with the ultimate bachelor faucet

But anyway, Sunday night I decided to take a nice, long shower in celebration of our new-found water pressure. Unfortunately, the water went completely cold after about 12 minutes.

I told Daddy and he said “That’s why Daddy had a regulator in the old one.”  Whoops.

Becoming Bridge & Tunnel

Let me start by saying that the drunk train as immortalized by How I Met Your Mother’s episode “The Drunk Train” is completely a thing.

HIMYM reps NYC (even if it’s filmed in LA)

I try not to go into the city on the weekends. Let’s face it: at a certain point, even going into Manhattan from Brooklyn became a chore. But a couple times recently, I had the occasion to take the drunk train.

The most recent time was this past weekend. Rachel and I decided to be young and give in to excitedly jump on our friend Rae’s invitation to go dancing.

Oh and since the LIRR is awesome, when we got to Huntington Station, we found out there were no trains from Huntington and had to take a shuttle to Hicksville. We rolled with it but the old man on the bus with us was pissed.

kind of like this… or something

Usually I’d go for beer but, this time, my trank (train-drank) was 5 Hour Energy, which just barely lasted until we got home about 5 hours and 15 minutes later. I blame my work/commuting schedule for conditioning me to get tired early, therefore making me drink harmful caffeinated beverages when I should be drinking alcohol.

We met Rae at Culture Club. This is where I crossed the line into Bridge & Tunnel.

For those of you that aren’t from here, Bridge & Tunnel (B&T) is a term we snobby New Yorkers use to refer to those overdressed drunks who are bussed (train’d) in on the weekends from such God forsaken places as New Jersey or (heaven forbid!) Long Island. B&T bars are the last place you want to be seen. And I’m pretty sure Culture Club is B&T Mecca.

Culture Club

So, why did I go? 
Was it the $25 cover? (No, I’m not joking.)
Was it the $13 drinks? (Includes a plastic souvenir cup.)
Was it the crowd? (A unique mix of bachelorette parties, middle-aged women, and a few creepy guys trying their odds with either of the above.)

The truth is: I secretly think Culture Club is fun. Bombshell.


But… ok??

1- The 80s room is akin to singing into your hairbrush with your girlfriends at a sleepover.
2- The 90s-00s room lets me relive my high school and college dance party days.
3- Plus, thanks to the high female-male ratio, I can mostly avoid the creeps. Except for those that came with my friends (*ahem* Rae).

That said, it bears repeating… $25 cover. Therefore, never again. Never. Um, maybe just except for a bachelorette party or something but that’s it, I swear.

Walking 4 Love

Enough complaining about commuting! For now. Despite what you may have heard (or read here) I am determined to deal with commuting better than I did when I was 22 (story for another time, perhaps). 

On Saturday I did something really cool: The Jana Piccola Walk 4Love.

pink and blue everything!

I had heard of the walk but never thought to sign up. My friend Greg told me that it was a mini HHS reunion. This did not particularly entice me. Plus I wanted to have one free weekend after all the moving and non-wacky chaos.

Greg then tried to guilt me into going but nobody can guilt me but me. Which is exactly what happened when I read this story about Jana. So I signed up and roped my friends Jenny and Erin into going as well.

you can tell we’re really serious about this race

The event started at Mill Dam, which is a place that the cool kids would often mention in high school and I never knew if they were referring to Mill Dam Park or Mill Dam Road or if there was an actual dam somewhere… And I never knew why they were hanging out at whichever one of those Mill Dams they were at, except presumably to drink and smoke, and I still don’t know to this day. Any former cool kids reading this, feel free to enlighten me.

There were around 600ish? people there, which seemed like a lot for this little event…

…but luckily or unluckily, the high school reunioning was kept to a minimum.

And then there were some middle aged women dancing to Gangnam Style for some reason…

Then the “race” started. Greg, his girlfriend Kristin, Erin, Jenny and I set off on a leisurely walk around the Southdown area of Huntington.

Huntington is, like, seriously beautiful sometimes

Greg had originally said that he would be embarrassed to walk, rather than run, because last year he finished the 5k in 24 minutes. (And wordsmith that he is, he managed to phrase it in a way that Kristin thought he was embarrassed to walk with her.) But, hobbled by a toe injury, he was forced to walk anyway. And I was on a stroll….

About halfway through the walk, there were kids set up outside their houses handing out water and granola bars (aw). A little while later, we got cheerleaded. I found it cute; Greg felt patronized.

go free spirits! get there when you get there!

Don’t be too impressed but we managed to walk 3 miles in under an hour, which is just slower than the average person not in a race walks on a hot day going uphill.

did it!

Finally, the sweet, sweet finish line…

And the results…

at the last second, I sprinted ahead yelling “I beat Greg! I beat Greg!”

Jenny and Erin got out of being timed because they signed up on the day of. Cheaters.

Afterwards, we hung around for the medal ceremony (yes, there were medals) and then went out to lunch and cupcakes.

Sunny day walks and cupcakes? Maybe I like living in the suburbs.

Photo Shoot Fail

Sorry for the delay in posting this week.  I was trying to get a good picture of Alice and me before I posted her intro.

This was the result…

take 1

no glasses?

with flash?

nailed it.

Alice is the least photogenic person I know and I mean that as a compliment. Not my best work either.

Update!  I had this photo on my computer the whole time!!! *smacks head*