Early Morning Anxiety

Some days it takes all I have to get out of bed in the morning.

boo
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Breaking News: Fruits & Vegetables Are Good For You

“I’m going to the grocery store later. Do you need anything?” should have been a simple enough question from my dad.

Tom and I shrugged at each other and said “no thanks”. We do our own grocery shopping, which consists of yellow Gatorade and beer for our mini fridge, because we basically live in a dorm room. Any meals that we eat at home are lovingly prepared by Daddy.

Daddy started to walk away but then said, “You know, there’s always fresh fruit in the basket downstairs. You really should be eating more fruit, both of you.”

I blinked, hoping that he didn’t actually require a response to this little life lesson.

He continued, “Really, I’m serious. You should be having fruit with every meal. Fruits and vegetables, those are the best thing for you.”

wonka veggie meme
“Ok, bye” was my only response. We walked past Daddy and out the door.
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An Unhealthy Curtain Attachment

I threw out the dirty curtains from my childhood room on Sunday. It’s very rare that I’m home during daylight but when I am, I notice how dusty everything is and end up cleaning.

As I was shoving the curtains into a couple trash bags, Daddy asked, “What, are you cleaning them?”

“No, I’m throwing them away,” I replied tersely. I was on a warpath.

“You know, they can be washed…”

“Daddy, they’re 30 years old.”

That actually shut him up. I mean, I don’t know for sure what normal people do, but I think they redecorate like once a decade? Curtains aren’t family heirlooms, right?

lord of the rings heirlooms

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Full Disclosure: I Have A Cavity

Full Disclosure is a series, which I just made up, in which I admit to non-earth shattering secrets. Probably mostly things that I shouldn’t be embarrassed about, but I am anyway.

I will be writing it as often as I feel like it. Today’s edition:

I have a cavity.

dentist toothless meme

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Bonus Post: Why You Should Follow Me On Facebook

Happy morning! If you’re not ‘like’-ing me on facebook, you’re missing out on important plot updates like this…

dentist facebook backhomeblog

Things I Don’t Tell My Dentist

When I was 22, I went to my family dentist with a chipped tooth. My mom started explaining and making excuses for me.

“I was drunk.”, I summarized. Dr. Traffley was amused and I couldn’t understand why my mom was embarrassed.

bridesmaids drunk

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Project Optimism: So, I Lost My Phone

funny-lost-phone-silent-modeFriday after improv, a couple of us went out to karaoke. Since two hours is never enough karaoke, I missed the 1:40 train. So, I was forced to hang out and drink until 4am. Tough times.

Flash forward: I wake up at 5:21 am in Huntington. The train is sitting in the station, empty. Any true Long Islander can tell you what that’s like, and also what happens next: you hear the “Beep Beep Beep” of death, the doors close and you have to frantically fly around the train trying to find a conductor to let you off before you end up at the yard.

This knowledge in mind, I jumped up and fled the train. This was when I lost my phone.

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Why I Hate Twitter (But Will Continue to Use It)

I was a relatively early adopter of twitter. It was probably 2007 when I joined, because I heard Elvis Duran and the Morning Show talking about celebrity tweets, and I thought “I can know what John Mayer is up to at all times? Cool.”

apparently this is called the hipster barista meme *the more you know*

apparently this is called the hipster barista meme
*the more you know*

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The Universe Speaks Through Fortune Cookies

What is it about Chinese fortunes? I know they’re meaningless, but if I get a good one, I believe it.

Some time last year, I got the fortune:

Your secret desire to completely
change your life will manifest.

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Bad Days Don’t Always Start In The Morning

Yesterday, 7pm, I was riding the train home, stressing about one of my scripts (due to Will Smith today) and how I can make it funnier.

Amanda (founding partner of Super Best Friends Productions) called me and I started stressing more, thinking about all that we have to do on that project.

Then my mom called and asked if I could come over. This is unusual. I said yes but I had to check with Tom.

bad day 1

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